89 Muslim Marriage Questions to ask your future spouse

As children, we learn how to interact with others and make friends with people we like and get along with. These friends typically have something in common with us and we have similar values and hobbies. When it comes time find a spouse and get married, the process requires more attention and the proper questioning to ensure we are finding the right person. Marriage is a life long commitment, and if we navigate the path of matchmaking properly, we find the spouse we will get to spend the rest of our lives with. Muslim singles from all around the world have asked many of these questions prior to getting married. This list of questions is a great place to start when getting to know someone new!

Note: some of these questions may come across as super obvious or weird. These should be asked as there have been many instances where people were not honest, and we ultimately are seeking truthfulness and honesty.

Lets dive into these questions to ask!

About marriage and relationships:

1. What does marriage look like to you?
Try to understand what their view of marriage is. The roles and responsibilities of each party.

2. What are your expectations of marriage?
Do they expect one party to do all the work? Who raises the children? Who is the breadwinner?

3. Have you ever been married before? If yes, what happened?
People have history and a past. Sometimes this can be a dealbreaker, other times, this can be a great learning experience. Learn about their past relationships, if any, and understand what they will be doing differently moving forward.

4. Are you married now?
Some people hide the fact they are married. If they are in a separation situation, they may hide it. If they are seeking polygamy, it’s a talking point to have a conversation around.

5. What is your understanding of an Islamic marriage?
Learn what they have been taught about Islamic marriage. Have they been taught good values? Have they had strong role models? Are they respectful?

6. What is the role of a husband?
What is your understanding of what a husband should do and not do? What is the husbands role with children, house chores, education, work, finances, religion, etc?

7. What is the role of a wife?
What is your understanding of what a wife should do and not do? What is the wife’s role with children, house chores, education, work, finances, religion, etc?

8. Why have you chosen me as your potential spouse?
In most instances, red flag answers to pay attention to are ones that are materialistic, superficial or mostly physical attributes in nature. Look for character, values and traits in the answer. There should be physical attraction, it should not be the main aspect of why someone is choosing you.

About Children and family goals:

9. Do you support the idea of utilizing baby-sitters and maids?
If yes or no, why? What are your reasonings?

10. Do you want to have children? If not, why?
An important distinction to learn early on. If you want kids and they don’t, it will be a tough relationship. Be on the same page about children.

11. To the best of your understanding, are you able to have children?
Some people have challenges and if you are aware of challenges regarding having children, be honest about it. If you are unsure or have never had physical complications, you know yourself best.

12. Do you want to have children in the first two years of marriage? If not, then when?
Learning what someone’s timeline is regarding children will allow both of you to plan out priorities. Is traveling as a couple important? Is spending time together as newlyweds important?

13. Do you believe in abortion in you family?
What is your Islamic understanding and stance regarding this? What happens if you’re pregnant and the doctor says the child is going to have complications and learning disabilities. What do you do?

14. Do you have children now?
If yes, What is your relationship with your children, now?
What is your relationship with their parent, now?
Where are these kids from? How many? What would your role and expectation be regarding children that are not biologically yours?

15. What relationship do you expect your spouse to have with your children and their parent?
The kids are not biologically yours. What is your role as a step parent and how will you navigate the relationship with the children’s biological parent when you two cross paths?

16. What is the best method of raising children?
Raising kids can be challenging. What do you believe is the best way to raise children. What kind of schools? What kind of location?

17. What is the best method of disciplining children?
How will you correct for wrong? Do you believe in yelling or getting physical? Why or why not?

18. How were you raised?
What did your parents do to you when you were a child? Would you raise your kids the same way?

19. How were you disciplined?
Is the “old school” way of discipline with a sandal or belt your style? Do you believe kids should be disciplined with words? Should they be in full control themselves? What do you do if a kid has been out of line for more than 1hr, 1 day, 1 week?

20. Do you believe in spanking children? Under what circumstances?
Is it, ok to get physical with children to get them back in line? Why or why not?

21. Do you believe in public schools for your children?
What is the role of school for raising kids? Would you want your kids in public or private school? Why or why not?

22. Do you believe in Islamic schools for your children?
If Islamic schools are around in the area, should they attend and Islamic school? If the driving distance is 30 mins each way, 1hr each way, 2hrs each way, what do you do?

23. Do you believe in home-schooling your children? If so, by whom?
Why homeschooling vs public vs private vs Islamic school?

24. What type of relationship should your children have with non-Muslim classmates and friends?
Should they be allowed to hang out with each other? Go to parties? Be friends?

25. Would you send your children to visit their extended family if they lived in another state or country?
Is it ok for your kids to spend private time with extended family without you present? Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins?

26. What type of relationship do you want your children to have with all of their grandparents?
Do you want them to be close to each other? Do you want they to visit and see each other often? How involved should the grandparents be?

About life and goals:

27. What are your goals in life? Long term and short term plans.
Understanding what someone is working towards or striving for helps you understand what drives them. This also helps paint a picture of what a relationship with them may look like.

28. Identify three things that you want to accomplish in the near future.
Take a look at their short terms goals. Are they graduating soon? Do they want to get a job? Are they looking to travel the world? These are 1-3 year goals they have.

29. Identify three things that you want to accomplish, long-term.
Learn about what they are wanting to do in the next 3-10 years. Keep in mind that goals typically change over time as well. Figure out if both of you have similar aspirations or if each of you is able to connect and want to support each other with these goals.

About religion:

30. Are you a spiritual or religious person?
Finding someone who is a lot more or a lot less religious or spiritual than you can create challenges. It can also create opportunities. Decide what your level of dedication would be and if you are wanting to water and grow this aspect together. Find someone who is on the same page as you.

31. What is the role of religion in your life – now?
Learn what religion is doing for them now. Are they learning more about it? Are they seeking more knowledge? Is it even important to them?

32. What are you expecting of your spouse, religiously?
What would the roles be for each person when it comes to religion? What are the different responsibilities and expectations of each regarding Islam?

33. What is your relationship between yourself and the Muslim community in your area?
Learn how involved or lack of involvement they have within the Muslim community. Are you seeking someone with the same, more or less?

34. Are you volunteering in any Islamic activities?
Do they help at events locally or nationally? Are they seeking to continue helping? What is their reasoning for wanting to be involved?

35. What can you offer your partner, religiously and spiritually?
Learn how each of you can support each other and help each other grow. Helping each other grow and become better Muslims is an important part of marriage.

About friends and family:

36. If there are members of my family that are not Muslim, that are of a different culture or race, what type of relationship do you want to have with them?
What do we share with the children and the roles and responsibilities we have with non Muslim family?

37. What is your relationship with your family?
Do you have a good relationship? Do you spend time with them? Do they spend time with you?

38. What do you expect your relationship to be like with the family of your spouse?
What is your expectation of your spouse role with your family? Do they have to entertain them and gatherings? Do they have to even go to gatherings? Do you expect them to be courteous and helpful?

39. Is there anyone in your family that lives with you now?
If yes, will that continue after marriage?

40. Are you planning to have anyone in your family live with you in the future?
Will parents live with you in the future? Will family move in at some point? What is a family member is in a tough spot, or going to school near us or needs short term housing, what would our responsibility and expectation be?

41. If for any reason my relationship with your family turns sour, what should be done?
Sometimes relationships within family can get bad. If someone is angry what steps should we be taking, if any?

42. Who are your friends? Identify at least three.
What do they do? Why are they your friend and where did you meet them? How do they help or support you? What would they do for me if you and I are at odds - would they defend you or me?

43. What will your relationship with them be like after marriage?
Would they continue to be your friend? Would the expect the same level of commitment for friendship? More, less?

44. Do you have friends from the opposite sex?
If yes, What is the level of your relationship with them – now?
Is this a red flag to you? Do you care if they hang out together without you there? What is their role in your life?

45. What will be the level of your relationship with them after marriage?
Would they continue to be your friend? Would you be inviting them over or spending time with them after marriage?

46. What type of relationship do you want your spouse to have with your friends?
Should there be a close relationship with your friends? Should it be casual cordial? Do you need your friends to like your spouse?

Getting to know you better:

47. What are the things that you do in your free time?
What are your hobbies? What do you do for fun? Why are these interesting to you?

48. Do you like to have guests in your home for entertainment?
To you like to host and be hospitable? How many people is too many? If people come over, how late is too late for them to stay?

49. What are you expecting from your spouse when your friends come to the house?
Do you need to be supported or be a fancy host? Who will be doing the cooking and cleaning? Do you even want your spouse around?

50. What is your opinion of speaking other languages in the home that I do not understand? With friends? With family?
In many Muslim marriages, there is a combination or cultures and languages. If you don’t understand someone else’s language, what is your expectation? Do you want to learn it? Does that bother you?

51. Do you travel?
What are your travel goals? Do you even like to travel? What kind of travel do you like – road trips? Flights? Staying in hostels or fancy hotels? Hiking or Glamping?

52. How do you spend your vacations? How do you think your spouse should spend vacations?
Would you rather spend time at home on the couch or go out and explore new places? Do you both take vacations together or separately?

53. Do you read?
If yes, What do you read?
Why do you like this kind of material?

54. After marriage, do you think that you are one to express romantic feelings verbally?
How do you feel about receiving romantic expressions? Will you reciprocate if your spouse wants you to? What do you do if one of you doesn’t like to express themselves verbally?

55. After marriage, do you think that you want to express affection in public?
What is your stance on PDA – public display of affection? In public - Will you hold hands? Hug? Kiss?

56. How do you express your admiration for someone that you know - now? How do you express your feelings to someone who has done a favor for you?
Do you show care in a different way? What is your way of showing someone you care about them and appreciate them?

57. Do you like to write your feelings?
Are you a writer or talker? Would you want to be writing letters to each other with feelings and emotions? Would you rather have conversations?

58. If you wrong someone, how do you apologize?
Are you someone who is always right or can you acknowledge when you make a mistake? How do you own up to it?

59. If someone has wronged you, how do you want them to apologize to you?
Do you need someone else to recognize when they did something wrong? Do you need apologies from others when they wrong you?

60. How much time passes before you choose to forgive someone?
Are you even able to forgive? Do you hold grudges? What is your expectation of others who wrong you?

61. How do you make important and less important decisions in your life?
What do you determine the level of importance by? Do you care about the others who are involved in your life with the decision making process?

62. Do you use foul language at home? In public? With your family?
If yes, why? What is your expectation of others when you use this language?

63. Do your friends use foul language?
If yes, why? What do you think about foul language? Is it acceptable?

64. Does your family use foul language?
If yes, will it continue? Will it be used around you?

Dealing with challenges, adversity and getting help:

65. How do you express anger?
Do you have an outlet to express it? Do you bottle it up and it explodes one day?

66. How do you expect your spouse to express anger?
What would you do to support me in an moment of anger? Do you expect me to deal with it on my own?

67. What do you do when you are angry?
Do you get physical? Verbal? Emotional?

68. When do you think it is appropriate to initiate mediation in a marriage?
Do you think mediation is even necessary? What about counselors or coaches? Why or why not?

69. When there is a dispute in your marriage, religious or not, how should the conflict be resolved?
Should family be involved? Friends? Imams, Sheikhs, counselors, coaches, or nobody?

70. Define mental, verbal, emotional, and physical abuse.
What is each one to you. What would the expectations be if one of them is used?

71. What would you do if you felt that you had been abused?
Is it acceptable? Is it unhealthy? Who would be the one that is responsible in situations where someone feels abused?

72. Who would you call for assistance if you were being abused?
Would you leave? Would authorities be involved? What would the expectations be if someone feels abused?

Health and Wellness:

73. Do you suffer from any chronic disease or condition?
Are you aware of any medical or physical issues that we need to know?

74. Are you willing to take a physical exam by a physician, before marriage?
If one side wants to get a medical exam of you prior to marriage to ensure health factor, are you ok with this? What is your opinion or expectation?

75. What is your understanding of proper health and nutrition?
Who’s responsibility is it? What kind of food, diet, exercise, etc does this involve? Is Halal food important to you?

76. How do you support your own health and nutrition?
Do you physically exercise? Do you mentally exercise too?

Finances:

77. What is your definition of wealth?
Is it only money? Is it possessions? Is it knowledge? Is it something else?

78. How do you spend your money?
Do you just aimlessly spend money? Do you care about sales or deals? Is price or quality more important?

79. How do you save your money?
Are you a big saver? Do you put money away in retirement? Investments? Do you agree to have other financial experts help with money goals?

80. How do you think that your use of money will change after marriage?
Will your habits change? Will your purchasing trends stay the same?

81. Do you have any debts now? If so, how are you making progress to eliminate the debt?
What kind of debts do you have? Who’s responsibility would it be to pay them off?

82. Do you use credit cards?
If yes, what is your relationship with them? How do you use them?

83. Do you support the idea of taking loans to buy a home?
Is a mortgage acceptable to you? What amount of income should be spent on a home?

84. What are you expecting from your spouse financially?
Do you expect money from them? Do they choose what to do with all the money?

85. What is your financial responsibility in a marriage?
Who will be the main breadwinner? Who supports who? Do you want to be working? Why or why not?

86. Do you support the idea of a working wife?
Should the wife be at home? Working? What if the wife makes more money than the husband?

87. If so, how do you think a dual-income family should manage funds?
Is the wife’s money hers? Is the husbands money his? What about joint bank accounts? Is everything shared?

88. Do you currently use a budget to manage your finances?
If yes, what kind of budget? How are you calculating it? Is every dollar allocated?

89. Who are the people to whom you are financially responsible?
Do you have debts to other individuals, not lenders or banks, or student loans? Do you owe money to people in the community? Does anyone owe you money?

Joon is a Muslim Marriage app that helps singles connect and find lasting love. Using this tool and series of questions, you can gain confidence in knowing these important details about someone else to make informed decisions. Download Joon today on Apple and Android.